there is no shame in want

i am struggling to pick up water colour but i still paint like i do with oil paints ... i should probably find a book to read mean while

insomewaysofar i want to have a lover, regular sex, kisses, hugs

some one enveloping my back and sharing my bed

and no, I don't want a person i cannot picture a person with abundant opportunities for getting jaded and cynical

let her be a dream and let her fade upon waking i dont want to know depth let it always have a gentle touch of forgetfulness

no one was supposed to replace messalina

i went to the red light district 2 days ago and saw many street walkers. i am always fascinated by women who embody femininity ... inside me there is this desire to join them??? if only to fathom the depths of my womanhood

i met carina who is a trans vestite and she was very beautiful and lovely with the most delicate face structure and elongated limbs and full lips. i could not speak to her because i was in this skin this young virginal skin and how does one speak to young virgins? but i am not one inside but i am only as much as i look like. carina was beautiful but carina i am sorry i wanted to know if you loved your mother ...

recently ive been somewhat afraid

feel some what stuck and lost...i am kind of uncertain if london and media is the right way to go ... life is drawing me inexorably towards its injustices

i dont know / i know

show him what you've got

W and i were sitting in starbucks and i was idly drawing on the napkins ... W spoke of his genderbender queer suspicions and i think it was getting to me i felt more like a man than any thing

i remembered that in the morning i realised i had a faint beard. i concluded i had more testosterone than him